Category Archives: Random Writer Thoughts

Backstreet Boys and #GrowingUpAFangirl

Backstreet Boys and #GrowingUpAFangirl
Backstreet Boys and #GrowingUpAFangirl

In the spirit of last month’s post about The Covenant and other yummy things that ruined our expectations of dudes when we grew up, I am posting Janine and I’s podcast chat about the greatest and best boy band to EVER EXIST; The Backstreet Boys. Don’t worry, kids, I’m not going to become a fangirl blog. Although, personal semi-reviews do kinda fall under the fanship category, but alas.

So on a beautiful sunny spring Saturday in Midrand, South Africa, Janine and I sat down to discuss BSB, their awesome staying power and the song that was at the forefront of my pubescent sexual awakening – ‘Shape of My Heart’. Because, at 12, I was a slag for blonde boys with colourful eyes, that is, 90s Leo Dicaprio, David Lee Gallagher and of course, Nick Carter. There is laughter, there are tears, we put together a boy band dream team, but mostly there’s laughter. At some point we discuss the rise and flourish of the abominable f*ckboi. Well, to be honest, I’m not really obsessed with that term but thanks to Janine and discoveries hidden deep within the podcast, I now refer to our charming serpent brethren as Max Martin bros, because they so believe and subscribe to the ‘The Call <–> When you’re looking like that’ school of thought.

So if you are even slightly part of the #growingupafangirl movement:

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OR if you’ve always wondered what caused tween and teen girls to go into such a frenzy about these dude singing groups, or you just wanna find out what the hell a Max Martin bro is, and especially if you just wanna share in our 2000s nostalgia, follow me down this yellow brick road, kids. FYI: I dearly love to laugh, so I pretty much giggle throughout this thing. Be cool.

Tune into the MMMBopcast. 


Throwback Thursday: Does anybody remember The Covenant?

Throwback Thursday: Does anybody remember The Covenant?

My friend, Janine started a podcast on 90s and noughties boy band culture and how it contributed to our lives as young lasses. Her first podcast was this week, go check it out – she sings there and you’ll probably agree with most of the stuff she says, like how bizarro song lyrics were or how she thought Zac and Tyler were actually girls for the longest time. Side note: My life would have taken an interesting turn at a very young age if Zac Hanson was actually a chick – because I heart him forever no matter what. So in the spirit of the original fangirl makers and heartthrobs who brought on our musical and later sexual awakening, we’re remembering the movie The Covenant today.

In the year 2006, I was a teen and watched a lot of teen rubbish like High School Musical and other awesome stuff like the Harry Potter series. These were all cute, amazing things that girls my age watched, about boys and girls our age, and we loved them. It was cool. Then one day, this movie with teen boys with nice hair and abs and cars happened. Or as one Tumblr user puts it “Sebastian Stan, Taylor Kitsch and Chace Crawford as 2000′s homoerotic, bad boy, swimmer warlocks”. As a fan of The Craft – which is kinda like The Covenant but with girls?(Not really) I lost my shit when I saw this film.

Where do I begin? Well, apart from the three counted above, who we later get to know as Bucky from Captain America (Chase), Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights (Pogue) and Nate from Gossip Girl (Tyler), there’s Reid, who is the bigger bad boy of the group of friends and the proud owner of the famous line “Harry Potter can kiss my ass!”

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And then there’s Mr Original Dark and Mysterious, Caleb who was played by STEVEN STRAIT – Edward Cullen who? No seriously, how did that guy make us think he was the good kind of dark and mysterious? He was creepy. Anyway, what ever happened to bloody Steven Strait, you guys? Like, he was literally the hottest of these dudes and now he’s just not around – like Josh Hartnett or Chad Michael Murray or something. Steven Strait was the the 2000’s answer to Jon Snow/Kit Harrington (or is it Kit Harrington is now the answer to Steven Strait?). I’d like to point out at this point (hehe) that these were very cool names and these dudes were collectively known as The Sons of Ipswich. Did any teen girl have a choice faced with so much 2000s swag?

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Sebastian “I’m going to make you my Wee-yotch” Stan was actually the bad guy in this movie – he was ‘not’ a son of Ipswich; he was a cute sassy villain and he owned his part. They all did, which is probably why we still see most of them around. They made this cheesy little flick a personal witch/warlock/supernatural classic of mine and I’m forever greatful for all those six-packs. Thank you.

I thought this was a trailer but it seems somebody managed to summarise the whole movie in under 4 minutes over a cool Breaking Benjamin track (also so 2000s), so you can watch it. For real, watch it. Popular opinion: The Covenant sucks. Tell that to 17 year old Zoe. Or even 26 year old me – I love this movie!

In conclusion (regarding my whole entire life in the blogosphere): 

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Featured: The Gourmet Millennial

Featured: The Gourmet Millennial

By Lev Novak via Thought Catalog

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Source: Thought Catalog, LeeC3

Snobbery in food and drink is all we can afford. It’s the symbol of the life we took for granted from participation trophies (which, by the way, we never asked for: don’t put that excess on us.) We can’t afford stocks or a mortgage, but we cling to our hopes. So we consume them instead. So we have artisan coffee and fancy three-buck sodas and gluten free cupcakes and truffle fries. And they rock. I love them.

But they’re all I can afford to love.

I read this article a few days ago when it came out and I read it again today and it’s definitely something that I feel is kinda true about people of my age in general. I could be wrong, of course, and it could be that I’m just hanging around a lot of consumerism junkies who are mildly obsessed with the #lifestyle. And that the world beyond my friendship and social circles really despises our lovely locally-brewed craft beer and gourmet fudge and gourmet sarmies. And that we’re weird freaks. But no – not really anyway. My friends are super flourishing for their ages but it is true that we don’t have all the concrete ‘got life figured out’ things the old folks had and our timelines are not as not as defined and urgent as the generations before us. And as a result, YES, we take comfort in our Instagram meals and lives because, for now, that works. It’s all we can afford to fuel our indulgence for now. In Lev’s words, ‘…they’re all I can afford to love’.

Give the full article a read over here.

 

Live-tweeting my Game of Thrones Trauma

Live-tweeting my Game of Thrones Trauma

Brace yourselves, it took me some days to be kind of okay with things (not really).

June, 18 2015 – At first it was just A LOT of shock and disbelief.

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June, 19 2015 – Then I was just flat out broken.

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June 20, 2015 – Then I decided to put the hurt of Jon Snow behind me and enjoy the memes. GoT7

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But for real, in the end…

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I think I have a Type

I think I have a Type

I think I may really have a type, well at least as far as movie characters go. I mean, I’ll watch a film, a film of a specific genre, and I’ll be drawn to this certain dude. I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘Yeah well sure, that happens to all women’. You’re not wrong but I think that’s more of a lust thing. I mean, I have characters I totally lust over like way after the movie has ended and I build a little creepy hut for those dudes in my vault where they can share a communal bathroom in one dark part of the house and wait to be summoned for duty one by one. Those are action movie men, emotional romantic drama men, sports movie men, that kinda sweaty macho muscly rubbish – hunks so to say (listen, the 90s said it best). The type that I speak of is different. After the movie I don’t lead them blindfolded and covered in baby oil into my Amazon hut. One word comes to mind, and that word is ‘boyfriend’. I just wanna cuddle them and talk to them and serial watch a TV series in my PJs with them while we binge drink on a Friday night, and go to music festivals and sports games with them.

I’m not sure these guys have a super specific physical attribute, except that they’re all tall I guess, some of ’em have borderline daddy bodies and the rest have regular dude bodies. I can’t word what I’m imagining but you catch my drift right? Wow, the 90s have really taken over my writing today. But in more related news, these guys all have one thing in common; they are all comical and make me smile. And right off the top of my head, these are some of the blokes that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I’m watching *insert sub-genre* comedies:

Friends With Kids – Chris O’Dowd. 

Source: Fanpop

Source: Fanpop

I think that face says it all. And he’s the most relatable and laid back character in that movie which makes him really attractive to me.

The Romantics – Adam Brody

Something Borrowed – John Krasinski. 

Source: Imgfave

Source: Imgfave

Quirky best friend? Um, ja! And he’s married to Emily Blunt, irl and that’s the biggest stamp of approval if you ask me. 

No Strings attached – Ashton Kutcher.

I know he’s the lead but so are Jake Gyllenhaal and Justin Timberlake in their casual sexy time movies and I feel zero for them.

Five Year engagement – Chris Pratt

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Source: Imgur

Actually where is Chris Pratt not adorable? Where? Show me! Have you seen how ripped he has become? How can I not appreciate a man who can transform like that? 

That Awkward Moment – Miles Teller

Source: Buzzfeed

Source: Buzzfeed

Miles, oh Miles… You are so chucklesome. Most age appropriate of the bunch and probably most bangable. Marry me, Mr Potato Face. 

Delivery Man – Amos VanderPoel.

I mean he doesn’t even speak in the damn movie! This is a real problem. Also, Chris Pratt again.

I love you, Man – Jason Segal

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Jason Segal in ‘I love you, Man’ was definitely the one to pop my moron-loving cherry and you never forget your first. 

Yup. It’s a weird one but I am into tall goofy/funny/somewhat good looking/but mostly tall & goofy guys with nice hair in movies where they’re tall and goofy.

P.S Where are all the carefree black guys on mainstream media? 🙁  Like, where are the brown wacky cuties? (No, it’s a for real question, I don’t know where to find idiotic POC dudes).

P.P.S My real thoughts on the subject? Well, my friend, Nhlanhla Holmes Mthiyane said the other day, “I don’t think you’re gonna end up with any of the bros you’re currently into. I think you’re gonna end up with a dude. A funny, sports loving dude.”

And there’s this quote,
“I believe our celebrity crushes reveal more about us than we would like to admit.”
— COREY WESLEY
And maybe it’s true. For now, my real life crushes are mostly emotionally unavailable remnants of my varsity life with super stable jobs and no senses of humour. It’s sad but I’ve made such a a habit of falling for and fraternising with these types that I’ve convinced myself I’m doomed to a life of being the spouse to Mr Business Trips and will, therefore, have daddy issue kids. But, if that saying is true, and my friend Nhla really believes it is – then I really have an awesome and chill love life to look forward to. Thanks Holmes.

 

Throwback Thursday: Rise and Shine Festival

Throwback Thursday: Rise and Shine Festival

Described by the Urban Dictionary as:

Throwback Thursday
When you put a picture from a “while” ago on your social media sites.
Omg Throwback Thursday, I needa find a photo of myself from like hella long ago and post it on facebook.

#throwbackthursday
Throwbackthursday, usually written as `tbt`is an acronym that is commonly used with photos posted on the internet to show an activity that took place some time ago/before.
E.g #Throwbackthursday – Back then in college with my friend Janny… (picture attached).

Gosh, I love how simple these guys are with their definitions :’D The image below is a throwback of course – or else this whole intro would’ve been super confusing. During the month of March on the 28th, me and a few friends got to hang out with one of the coolest bands in South Africa right now, The Plastics, and it was awesome sauce. We did shooters with rockstars, dude!

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That one time we got to hang out with The Plastics a bit. Like irl. Like, thee best time at Rise and Shine Festival

We’ll always have Mozambique

We’ll always have Mozambique

I should think that much is true, especially for South Africans and especially for me. I’ve longed for an Eat Pray Love vac for a bit now, for most of my adult life – although, let’s face it, I can’t take a year off of my life to travel exotic places yet. But finally some sort of opportunity presented itself and instead of spending three months in Italy, India and Bali respectively, I spent three days in Maputo, Inhambane/Tofo and Tofo again. Because I’m not a best selling novelist by the weird name of Liz and my journey isn’t played out by Julia Roberts in a cult chick motivational flick. I’m 25 and I have a day job. It’s just not practical. So three days is all I could afford okay?!

They say budget travel (I say cheap) isn’t for the faint hearted and boy is that true. So Friday night I hopped on an overnighter to Maputo and there were a couple of things I was nervous about. Mostly foreign border officials and travelling to another country alone. Those two were def at the top of my ‘To Worry About’ list, so much that I forgot that the distance to Maputo is a huge b-word on its own. Alright, cards on the table, I’m from the Eastern Cape so honestly that many hours on the road is hell on earth, but a hell I’m pretty used to. I just wanna complain like all the other kids. The border went as expected – but not as feared. I was just not emotionally and mentally prepared for the hours I spent inside that bus. Not prepared. How many pit stops do people need? And do we have to pit stop for so long? Why are Mozambican people so lax?

So fast forward to my arrival in Maputo. I stepped out, so glad for the fresh air and was overcome by this awesome feeling, everything felt so warm and colourful and in very beautiful ruin. Old colonial era buildings, street corner stores, cool alfresco cafes, music coming from all over… I was glad I came. The driver who was supposed to pick me up to take me to the Backpackers was behind on time but I got a lift with the most awesome local whose sister was coming from SA. This is when I first noticed that Mozambican dudes find me attractive. Win.
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Fatima’s Backpackers in Maputo is a paradise for hippies and easy going travellers. It’s bright and friendly and super chilled. I hung out with a couple of South Africans from Johannesburg, and we all huddled by the sockets to charge our phones and chat about weird South African stuff we were glad to be away from, like traffic and work and how we should all just run away to Moz to escape the suffocating racial issues back home. Later on I met a few very awesome ladies I quickly became friends with, Pat (SA), Eva(USA), Kholi(SA), Joni(CHI) and – later – Olga(GER). Fun fact: None of us knew how to speak Portuguese 🙂 I mean, I’d learnt a few phrases thanks to Duolingo but it was so much tougher because Mozambican Portuguese, like Brazilian, isn’t exactly the standardised form of the language. Between us we managed a few words though, like please, how much, thank you, no thank you, bye and water (which you have to buy a lot of). I also learnt ‘beautiful’ because the word got thrown my way quite a bit. I love foreign countries, because I get there and I’m exotic AF.

We walked around and had drinks by the ocean with a view you’d trade your nephews for. And had lunch at this cool outdoor restaurant called Pirates that has pizzas the size of a tractor wheel and the Moz beer 2M on tap. I also tried Laurentina but 2M caught my fancy. And, of course, we shopped around for stuff to take back home, from colourful fabrics to hand crafted jewellery and bags. At night I was supposed to go to some dancehall thing but I was too bushed so I stayed at the Backpackers and mildly flirted with the barkeep, then drank enough 2M’s to knock me out – right after I sprayed myself with enough Peaceful Sleep to poison a little well. Because, Malaria.

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The following morning, we took a 5am chapa to Inhambane>Tofo to Fatima’s Nest, which was 7 hours away. Again, the chill factor in Moz was startling, with all the pit stops and all the slow walking and the fact that Traffic cops will stop a chapa and check for a driver’s license but don’t mind that the vehicle is brutally overloaded. Is it because it’s so hot and nobody cares for these trivial things? Upside of the journey was all the clear blue ocean and quaint little tropical looking towns we saw on the way. But nothing could have prepared us for the tranquil majesticness that is Tofo beach.

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Tofo is magical. Blue beaches, white sand, surf and food. I loved everything about it. I loved my room and how the sea was a stone throw away from my door, just like the bar. I loved that my whole bathroom was a shower. I loved all the people, locals and travellers. It just felt like a super amazing dream, honestly. Although the Moz heat bordered on insane I was not mad at what that sea breeze and humidity was doing to my skin. I have dreadlocks so I don’t have the hair frizzing over problem either. Haha. On arrival, Joni immediately went for a swim in the ocean – it was early evening so the conditions were perfect. I ordered a monster size 2M and hung out on the deck, just lying in the sun and looking out into the sea. Side note: There were so many good looking people there, I literally could not move. Later on we ordered a light dinner (think I got some sort of gourmet sandwich) and dined by the bar, I got quite a few surprise phone numbers from some dudes and I’m sure whatever they were saying in Portuguese was super charming but I had no idea what it was, I was just shocked that people still write their numbers on coasters and serviettes and give them to strangers. After dinner we lazed around on the bean bags and finally got around to answering texts and other social medias. There was also this family of three, a dad and his kids who are about my age who brought their laptop out to the general sitting area and we all watched The Grand Budapest Hotel at midnight, tipsy on TipoTinto.

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Breakfast was a lot of ice cream and pancakes and a crap load of Catemba. Joni and I visited the busy market and it was beautiful but it was too hot to stay long. I bought a pipe and home made island style juice in a coconut and went home, but Joni the Explorer went to Inhambane for the day. Then I met two older guys from Cape Town, Albie and Sean and we had a good chat on the deck while buying shell jewellery from the local kids and musing about the paradise we were all in, and I remember thinking, gosh I wanna be this cool when I’m 40/50. They had anklets and they surfed and ate watermelons & nuts, and their tans were out of this world. There is a really cool strip of restaurants, central to everything where I grabbed lunch with Albie and I just listened to him talk about his adventures. The rest of the girls arrived not too long after that and the fun truly began. It was nice to be just a bunch of girls from all over the world, enjoying ourselves on holiday. We swam in the sea at sunset and took pictures and laughed (because giggle juice – and I’m pretty sure I almost got lost at sea because of that night tide). By nighttime, the Backpackers was alive with music and chatter and a large group of us joined tables and just had a great big tipsy chat. The night was not over for Eva and and we found ourselves grabbing dinner with a group of like five gorgeous British okes intensely talking about Egyptian current affairs and politics, at one of those eateries on the strip. Then we all went dancing until sunrise. Which I dreaded because I had to rush back to SA that morning to spend Christmas with my family in East London. But three days was all I needed to fall helplessly in love with that place.

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We’ll always have Mozambique. I think I still have sand in my hair.

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Mockingjay happened and I fell back in love with Jennifer Lawrence

Mockingjay happened and I fell back in love with Jennifer Lawrence

Well, actually I think love is a strong word. I just stopped hating her and I actually appreciated that she’s a beautifully convincing actress once more. My mind blowing experience with Mockingjay was mainly because of the movie’s all round effect on me, the parts that gave me goosebumps were mainly the parts with the actual revolution and not the little personal wars within.

Let me start here, I watched Horrible Bosses just before I went on to watch Mockingjay because, given everything that’s happening in the world right now, I didn’t want to be too grim and angry when I went in. I needed a palate cleanser and Horrible Bosses was a good one. I didn’t go in there expecting anything because, sequels. But then I saw Chris Pine as a rich douche whose dad is Christoph Waltz, who is also a rich douche and I was sold. Maybe it was because it’s a really cool and really funny film (it is) or maybe it was because I hadn’t gone to the movies in months but I was one of those people who LOL in the cinema house. I didn’t feel bad about it, I have a great laugh. Also, Chris Pine’s eyes are surely what the eyes of an angel look like right? Jason Bateman stole my heart as usual – he is comedy gold with that ‘serious/reasonable funnyman’ style of his. When the team get together to handle a super unlikely (at first) horrible boss and meet an even more unlikely (at first) ally – with appearances from previous movie faves like Motherfucker Jones, Dr McSlutty Aniston and the douchiest of them all – Kevin Spacey (dunno the characters name) I left the cinema satisfied and in stitches. Then my life got ruined… (Spoilers, duh.)

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I had about 10 minutes to run and go reload my popcorn and slushie arsenal before the next movie I was to watch, so I had about 5 minutes to adjust my mindset and put it in ‘teenagers in peril’ mode. I was looking forward to seeing how they’d pick up from the abrupt craziness that was Catching Fire’s ending. And although things felt a little bit slow at the beginning (somehow this always happens to me when watching Hunger Games films) it picked up pretty bloody well. Boy, did it pick up! I’ve honestly, throughout the franchise, felt like a citizen of Panem, like I lived in the Districts. In that regard, the movies have definitely made me connect with the general people and struggles of all those people. Nobody knows ruin and picking up the pieces of the past like South Africans. Seeing District 12 and all the other districts actually in complete shambles and the riots… that really just made the films a bit more meaningful to me and truly those Games weren’t just about kids dying – which is so horrible as it is – they were about good ‘ol fashioned oppression. And we finally got to see that clearly. I finally got to feel it clearly and fully.

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Phew. Now that that dark rant is out of the way, let’s talk fave parts of the movie. Did anybody else feel like Gale was loitering about for like the first 45 minutes of the movie. Like all he did was follow Katniss around in silence – he had like five lines that whole time. It was bordering on creepy, like a creepy ex boyfriend you’re forced to hang out with cos you’re in the same friendship circles. Don’t get me wrong I love me some Hemsworth screen presence but as hot as he is (and he’s VERY hot, getting hotter I think even) I felt really awkward for him tbh. For a long time i felt ‘This guy’s role is useless here’, but then they went back to District 12 and it was Gale’s moment. I didn’t expect to see another kissing scene between Gale and Katniss but there it was and it was sweet as usual (who doesn’t wanna see two good looking people tonsil hockey, aimiright?) And it seems Katniss didn’t expect it either. But Gale did. “I knew you’d kiss me… [Katniss: How? I didn’t.] Because I’m in pain – that’s the only way I get your attention. Don’t worry, Katniss, it’ll pass,” he says all croaky voiced and teary-eyed. And then like nothing happened he went on to talk about how he helped save the people of District 12 and all the mayhem and there was strength and sureness and I was like ‘I get it, I get you, Gale. You’re useful’.

And the of course there were many more moments where I cheered and got emotional and everything was so intense and hard to take in – mostly my body reacted to all of it though severe goosebumps and a large lump in my throat (I cried once).

A round-up of my Goosebump moments: 

  • When Katniss and her team (count meeting the team in this as well, especially Maegory from Game of Thrones) visit a dilapidated hospital in District 8 where many are injured and even more are dead. The Capitol attacks (obvi) and Katniss retaliates and we get to see the return of the beloved bow and arrow! 🙂

“If we burn, you burn with us!” OMFG.

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  • When Katniss and Gale kiss and he frees himself from the chains of indifference that are her love, I died.
  • When Finnick speaks about  his life as a Capitol male prostitute – oh that poor sweet favourite of mine.
  • Haymitch, Finnick and Joanna’s small spots in the film were so welcome and familiar
  • And did anybody see the people of Joanna’s District [7] go into the woods for their daily work? That sh*t escalated quickly. Those guys can sure climb a damn tree – also, 80% of them are hot lumber jack beard guys, wtf.
  • When Peeta gets rescued – by Gale who volunteered to be part of that suicide mission – and comes back only to try to effing kill Katniss!
  • And the storming of The Capitol’s reservoir by all those Districts people, sacrificing their lives – wow.
  • The haunting beauty that is the Hanging Tree song – Lorde be damned.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14H8OzTzne4]

Needless to say, there were a lot of highlights for me watching this film and if there were any low lights I did not care for them because I was too busy being blown away by awesomeness and feels. Mockingjay Part I is well worth the watch and I cannot wait for the final instalment!

 

That Awkward Moment was a bit awkward for me irl

That Awkward Moment was a bit awkward for me irl

That-Awkward-Moment-Movie-PostersThat awkward moment when the gag reel is better than the actual movie. Also, that awkward moment when the only reason you continue watching a movie is because you genuinely like the actors but from other movies they’ve done, so like a proud buddy you show support even though you’re thinking, ‘I guess I’m only here for the six packs  and the trapz then’. I guess, truthfully, my enthusiasm before watching the movie was normal. Zac Efron made me laugh in 17 Again, so I trusted that he had it in him to make me laugh again. Michael B. Jordan stole my heart as Steve in Chronicle and I was literally heartbroken by what happened to his character. I cried. And then there’s Miles Teller, just looking at his face makes me wanna crack up, there’s just something about the way he looks and talks that just makes me never wanna take him seriously. Like Seth Rogen. And then this strange movie happened. *side eye*

I get it, boys have weird dating experiences too, and I appreciate the whole concept of the dude as the reluctant love interest at first, because it’s an unfortunate truth and bad habit among some of them. It’s really great that they’re making bromantic comedies now. Yeah, I just said that. Because I enjoy using bro as a prefix a lot and, in the words of Jessa Johansson, I don’t like women telling other women what to do, or how to do it or when to do it. Phew. Okay. So the movie follows three bros who’ve taken a vow to stay single because one of their bros just got jilted. Seems like your regular run-of-the-mill ‘recipe for disaster’ plot, right? Sure. But the execution, my word… Ugh. It just pains me when something claims to be comedy and then kinda fails to make me, and the group of people I invited to watch, laugh. It’s like group effort confirmation that oh, I guess this is ‘hehe’ funny and not ‘hahaha’ funny, it should have said so on the label.

My first problem was the obsession with Daniel’s (Miles’ character) bowels. I know it was supposed to be funny and I was supposed to laugh but, just no. I like Imogen Poots, I don’t know why but I do, but also she freaks me out with her eyes and her hair and she kind of dwarfs Zac because he’s shortish. However, I’m glad there were some lines she delivered that made me huff laugh. Like the scene where she sees him after he made a dash for it and never called after they did the lay-down-move-around.

Jason: I thought you were a hooker.
Ellie: What?
Jason: A hooker.
Ellie: Why?
Jason: There were hooker signs.
Ellie: What’s a hooker sign?
Jason: You had on hooker boots.
Ellie: Lots of people have them.
Jason: There were tons of condoms.
Ellie: Did you ever think they might be there because I’m not having a ton of sex?
Jason: No! I thought they were a hooker sign!
Ellie: What’s a hooker sign?
Jason: What about The Story of O?
Ellie: That was research for a book.
Jason: There were envelopes full of cash.
Ellie: I pay my landlord in cash so that he can commit tax fraud. How long have you lived in New York?
Jason: Man, not long enough.
Ellie: Yeah.
Jason: Wait. Can I make it up to you? Let me make it up to you.
Ellie: You wanna make it up to me?
Jason: Can I?
Ellie: I don’t know. You can have my number… And…

And then she gives him a note with her number on it. Jk. It had ‘Go F*&k yourself’ written on it. 🙂 She owned that scene for me.

I felt like Miles Teller carried most of the ‘funny’ banter. Like he was the only reason I found some of the dialogue amusing, with his bros, with that really tall cute fwb of his we all knew he was gonna end up with. I can honestly say he managed to remain the funny boy he is. But he got majorly dampened by this movie. Fingers on the bible, I LOLed once. Throughout the whole movie. And it was courtesy of Miles Teller’s mini rant before a girl turns up to the man cave unannounced.

“She’s not going to talk about Xbox. I’m going to be sitting here thinking like, ‘oh I have to fart but maybe I can’t right now.’ She better have some hot friends. Open the door. I don’t care. I’m getting wasted.”

Everything else was awkward and a bit uncomfortable. Zac’s ‘Rock out with your C&*k out’ outfit at a fancy dress party? Awkward and uncomfortable. How did that communication breakdown happen and which dad would ‘like’ that? Michael B’s whole relationship ups and downs… utterly uncomfortable. And it’s a hard pass from me on that weird masturbating scene. And lastly, the Christmas party scene. Unbearable to watch. I was 2 seconds away from skipping that part. If it counts for anything, they managed the awkward part really well but it was definitely not that kind of awkward I wanna be watching. I’d rather watch the gag reel below a thousand times. Because it’s better than the movie.

XOXO